The Love Dare

My wife and my Sunday school class is going through the Love Dare study. For those of you who do not know what the study is about, then you can check out the website to find out more information. The Love Dare is a forty day Bible study for married couples to help strengthen their marriages. Each day give the couple a new challenge to help fortify their relationship, and these challenges build upon each other daily. Day one of the challenge is to practice patience like that noted in 1 Corinthians 13. The study challenges husbands and wives to say nothing negative to one another on the first day of the study. This challenge sounds easy enough, but it is incredibly difficult. The study encourages couples to remain silent if they cannot say something nice in order to resist the urge to speak negatively to one another. It references the age old adage that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. This concept is so childlike that is seems like it could only make a trivial difference, but in my marriage, I have discovered it can make a big impact. In an age in which almost forty percent of marriages end in divorce, any help that my wife and I can get to help secure our marriage, we are willing to take. Something the Love Dare stresses is that marriages cannot just be based on feelings. I remember when I first fell in love with my wife, I got nervous every time she walked in the room. My palms would get all sweaty, and I would stress over what I wanted to say and how I should say it. Those feelings of anxiety eventually faded, and I even stressed about why I was missing those “butterflies.” A friend of mine told me that I must have fallen out of love with my wife (who was my girlfriend at the time), but I knew that could not be right. My wife and I continued to date, and I knew that what we were doing was right. It was not until we went through our pre-wedding counseling that I understood how those feelings were deceitful. Our minister explained to us that love could not be based on a feeling because feelings could change. There would be days that we simply would not “feel” married, but that did not change the fact that we were married. Love was a conscience decision to make things work. It was a commitment that could not waver with our feelings. Feelings deceive you. Anger, depression, frustration-those are all feelings that can make you want to leave your marriage, but those feelings are deceptive, and the commitment to your spouse must overpower your feelings. My wife and I are committed to our relationship regardless of what our feelings are that day. We do not want to worry about whether our feelings may cause us to stray from our commitments. This study will just strengthen the commitment we have already made and help us to become more than a statistic.

What's in a name?

My wife and I named our son Bronx. I am a huge New York Yankees fan. I have a room in my house devoted to the Yankees, complete with pin-striped walls and Yankees memorabilia. This room has since been converted into my son’s nursery, but it has maintained all of its Yankees integrity. Yankees Stadium is located in Bronx, New York, so when it came time to name my son, Bronx seemed like the perfect choice. However, my wife was not so sure. She was really sold on the name Braxton, and she thought Bronx may be too unusual for her taste, but the more we discussed it, the more it grew on her. Finally, she agreed with me that Bronx was the perfect name for our son. We were overjoyed to tell people what we were going to name our little blessing, and we could not wait to see what they thought of the name. Unfortunately, our name choice met mixed reviews. All of our family and friends seemed to love the name, but they all understood how much I loved the Yankees and my wife’s love for anything to do with New York City. However, people who did not know us as well did not share our enthusiasm for his name. My wife even had a lady tell her to be sure and give Bronx a “normal” middle name, so he could use it when he grew older and did not want to be called Bronx anymore. I was amazed by how brazen people were with their opinions of his name. Normal people who seemed sweet and innocent were suddenly bitter critics who felt empowered to tell us exactly what they thought. It is astonishing how people who would never hurt our feelings on a normal basis felt that they could be brutally honest with us during a time that should be filled with joy. I know that we are not alone in this experience. A friend of my wife’s named her son Asher, and she also received caddy comments about the name choice. She was also told to be sure and name him a “good” middle name, so he could go by that when he got older. I am constantly amazed by why people become bolder when a baby is involved. If anything, people should be overly gentle to pregnant women when it comes to the decision of their baby’s name. These women are carrying a precious gift, and they are stressed enough by the changes that are going on in their body without having to deal with the changes in people becoming unkind and insensitive. It is my opinion that whatever a person chooses to name their child is their decision- no ifs, ands, or buts about it. No one else is entitled to take the joy of naming a child away from the parents, and those that feel entitled to take away that joy should instead feel entitled to keep their opinions silent. No one should be deprived of the joy of naming their child.

Tiger by the Tail

I guess I am fascinated by golf this week because both my research blog and this opinion blog are going to be about golf. In my last blog, I discussed why golf might be better off with its small but quality audience. I can only talk about golf’s small audience if I omit those who are watching the train wreck that has become Tiger Woods. Golf’s most popular athlete is hands down Tiger Woods. He was the best thing that had happened to golf in a long time. He was the best golfer in the world. When ESPN voted on the best athlete in a bracketed competition, Tiger Woods was the clear winner, beating out athletes like Peyton Manning, Mickey Mantle, and Michael Jordan. Despite all this, the mighty hath fallen. Tiger has taken what is arguably the worst downfall for a public figure in recent history. My question is, why? Why has Tiger Woods become such a scorned public figure? It is not like he is the first man to cheat on his wife. It is not like he is the first man to have slept with hoards of women. He is not the only person to have recent adulterous scandals exposed. Why is he being crucified for actions that seem to have become second-nature in pop culture? Look at Bill Clinton. He was involved in arguably the most infamous sex scandal in American politics, but people do not feel the need to throw things at him or shout obscenities when he walks down the street. What about David Letterman? He had numerous affairs with staff members, admitted them on the air, and he was hailed as a hero because he was brave enough to talk about it on television. Is Tiger Woods considered a heretic because he did not feel the need to confess to all of America is extra-marital activities? Do we believe that every man who cheats on his wife needs to confess it on national television? If so, we would have a channel that aired nothing but adulterous confessions. My wife and I have discussed the Tiger Woods topic at length, and she said something to me that made a lot of sense. When I asked her why it seemed that everyone wanted Tiger Woods to fail, she told me it was because it appears like he has not been punished. When Michael Vick was convicted in the dog fighting scandal, he served time in prison. Tiger Woods admits to cheating on his wife, checks himself into rehab (which almost appeared more as a PR stunt than anything else), and then returns to the game of golf, seemingly without any consequences. His wife has not divorced him, he is still playing the game he loves, and he is being supported by numerous sports writers and commentators. It appears that he has gotten off pretty easy to the casual observer. So, what should have happened to Tiger Woods? Should adultery be a crime? What would the punishment be? I do not think Tiger Woods has gotten off easy. I think that he has been punished more than any jail time could do to him. He will always be remembered as the guy who was at the top of his game but was a fraud. He is the Barry Bonds of golf. He will have an asterisk by his name in all of the records’ books. His pleasure came at a high cost, and the fact that people are feeling the need to write a blog about his bad decisions show how far he has fallen. He may not be serving jail time, but he is serving time in social prison which I think is just as bad.

Golf- The Great American Sport?

I was watching the U.S. Open coverage this past weekend, and I realized a few things. One, golf is really boring to watch. Have you ever noticed how many random stories commentators tell or random videos they show during a golf tournament? This is to save viewers from having to focus on how mind- blowingly painful a golf tournament is to watch on television. My brother was a golfer in high school, and I went to his tournaments often. These were not boring to me, but I had a personal connection to a golfer. I have no personal connection to the golfers in the tournament, and as I watched a few holes’ worth of coverage, I realized that I could not watch a round of golf unless the only thing else on television was The Notebook. The second thing I noticed was professional golfers are not as popular as other professional athletes. My wife came in while I was watching television and asked me who was in the lead. When I told her, she was like, “Who? Where’s Tiger Woods?” It was then that I realized that most people do not keep up with professional golf, and golfers do not get the respect and recognition that baseball, football, or basketball players get. My wife can rattle off the names of hundreds of famous baseball players, recognizes all the major football players, and watched the NBA draft right alongside me, but when it comes to professional golf, she is at a loss if the conversation drifts from Phil Mickelson or Tiger Woods. Why do professional golfers seem so lost in a sea of professional athletes? The only other sport that I believe has the same complaint would be soccer. If it was not for the World Cup going on right now, most Americans could not tell you the last time they watched a soccer game (http://www.pubclub.com/bartender/worldcup.htm). I do think soccer has a redeeming grace in that is it a renowned international sport, so even though Americans do not know much about soccer past conversations of David Beckham, it has its prestige elsewhere. Poor golf seems to be the forgotten sport across continents. I do not know what could change this. It is not like golfers can go on strike to garner attention to their cause. That would be a bigger joke than the NHL strike of 2004 (http://www.cbc.ca/sports/indepth/cba/features/chronology.html). I think people see sports that go on strike as ungrateful people who feel entitled to more than what they already have, which happens to be a much more privileged life than their fans will ever have. Because of this, golfers striking might gain attention, but it would be negative attention. So, what can golfers do? The truth is, I do not have a clue. I really thought that Tiger Woods was the redeeming grace of the golf world, but it turns out that he was more of an anti-Christ to the sport rather than the second-coming of Arnold Palmer (http://www.golfweek.com/news/2009/nov/30/experts-debate-hit-tigers-marketability/). I really think that golf may not have a redeeming factor. It is simply not going to be an exciting sport. Period. Men swing sticks, hit tiny balls, and pray they fall in a hole. No one speaks during the match, there are no loud unruly, drunken crowds, there is no Jumbotron, and none of this will ever exist in the world of golf. While on one hand this limits the popularity of golf, on the other hand, it prevents the sport from having the swarms of fair-weather fans that the other sports possess. Maybe golf is just a case of quality being more important that quantity, and if that is so, maybe it is one of the few aspects of America where bigger is not better-maybe the simple sport of golf if enough without the prestige. Maybe golf truly is the great American sport.

NBA

Much to my wife’s chagrin, I have been watching the NBA playoffs every night there is a game on television. I love it. I am a diehard baseball fan, but at heart, I am really just a sports’ fan. I love any and all sports, especially during playoff time because that is when the competitive spirit is at its highest, and I love competition. I love the way it fuels people, pushing them further than they ever thought their bodies could be pushed. As I watch the Lakers and the Celtics play, I begin to mull over how long I have watched Kobe Bryant and been amazed by his talent. I can remember watching him when I was in junior high school, and I was amazed by him. I am too young to really remember Michael Jordan, so to me, Kobe Bryant was the best basketball player I had ever seen. Kobe started playing in the NBA in 1996. He was an effective player right from the start. He even won the Slam Dunk contest during his rookie season. He was a major contributor off the bench for the Lakers, and he became the youngest starter in the NBA the very next season. (http://www.kobe-bryant.org/biography.html) While all of this is impressive, what’s surprising is that he could not do this today. In the early 2000’s, the NBA decided they should place an age requirement on rookies, and they determined that a player under the age of 19 could not be drafted. This means Kobe Bryant would have had to wait two whole years to be drafted, rather than be drafted at the age of 17. He would have missed winning the Slam Dunk contest in his rookie season, and he would have played two less seasons than he has now, which would effect his records and accomplishments. Not only does the NBA require that a player be 19 before he can be drafted, it also requires that the player be one year out of high school. (http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2007/02/02-07-07tdc/02-07-07dsports-column-01.asp) This means that a player who graduates high school at the age of 19 must wait until he’s 20 to enter the draft. While some people view this change as a positive impact on the world of college basketball, I disagree. It is true that more basketball players probably go to college now than they did prior to the NBA passing this rule, but these players have no motivation to make lasting, significant contributions to their college teams. Sure, most players play incredibly well their freshman year in college, but they have no motivation to continue supporting their college program after their freshman year. Once they are eligible for the draft, the same players who would have entered as seniors in high school will enter as freshmen in college. What is the significance of this year? Do the players really gain enough of a college education that it is worth it? If they are not willing to make a long term commitment to their college team, then doesn’t the college and NBA lose? The NBA loses out on a season of the player’s talent, and the college has wasted its time and scholarship money on someone who is not going to build its program. I am not alone in my thoughts. Tennessee’s Senator Steve Cohen thinks the NBA’s rule is unfair and a form of age discrimination. He discusses the economic ramifications the ruling has on the team and the economy in general. (http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/jul/20/steve-cohen-wants-meet-nba-officials-about-age-req/) While I don’t believe the government needs to become involved in this private sector, it is nice to see someone in government who is thinking clearly. It would be nice if the NBA allowed talent to determine the outcome of the draft instead of ineffective rules.

Easy Life

Growing up, my parents always told me I would go to college. It was not even a discussion in my house. You graduated high school, and you went to college. That is just what you did. No questions asked. I went to college right after high school, the way I was always told I would. I attended school for two years, and I quit. I decided I did not like school, did not want to go to school, and I was wasting my time and money doing something I hated. I quit. What was I thinking? I now have a wife, a child, and a full time job, and I am back where I should have been all along. So many things have changed, and yet, so many things are the exact same. I am majoring in Pre-Physical Therapy with the goal of continuing on to get my Master’s from Missouri State, the same goals I had an eighteen-year-old fresh out of high school. So why did it take me so long to get here? Do I dare think of the time that has passed as wasted time? I have always heard that some people need to learn things the hard way, and while I knew I never did anything the easy way, I always thought that saying was ridiculous. Why would people want to learn things the hard way? If you knew that you always did things the hard way, then would you not change that about yourself? Would you not purposefully look for different ways than your normal to approach a situation? I guess not because the one thing I have learned about myself is that I must do things the hard way. It would have been easy to wait and marry my wife once we both finished college. It would have been easy to wait and have my son after I finished my college degree. It would have been easy to go to school when I was still just working part time instead of fifty hour weeks. It would have been easy to go to school when I was living with parents and not worrying about a mortgage. However, when I was young, I had a baseball coach who told me that nothing worthwhile was ever easy. There are moments in my life when I think about all that I could have done that would have been easier. It is easy to get wrapped up in those moments when you realize you have made life more difficult on yourself. Those moments can swallow you, consume your thoughts, make you doubt your every move. Yet, when I try to imagine my life without my wife, without my son, without my job, without my house; I realize that I would not have a life. I would have a lot of easy moments that combined to create a mundane existence. My life may not have been easy, but it has definitely been worthwhile, and I would take a worthwhile life over an easy life anyday.

Me

My name is Colby Bridges. I grew up in Carthage, and I have lived there for almost my whole life. I married my high school sweetheart, Brittany, in 2005, and we recently had our first child, a son named Bronx (pictured above). Bronx's name comes from the fact that I am a huge New York Yankees fan. I wanted to name him something unique, and I wanted it to be relevant to the Yankees because he has a Yankees themed nursery, and I want him to share my love of baseball. I talked my wife into Bronx after much debate, but now, we could not imagine him being named anything else. My son has changed my whole world. He has been my main motivation in coming back to school. I have realized that I want to be able to work and provide for him in a way I can not without a college education. I am majoring in pre-physcial therapy, and I plan on getting my master's in physical therapy from Missouri State after I graduate from MSSU. I am a little nervous because I have not been in school in over two years, but I now have the motivation I need to finish my degree.